Running in parallel with the life of a military wife runs the life of the serviceman and whilst I had little conception of Carols trials I don’t imagine she had much conception of mine either unless (of course) real issues arose on either side and then we would discuss them. As far as we were concerned family time was sacrosanct and not reserved for the moans and groans of daily life but one thing (about my working life) that was on our joint agenda was my promotion.

(1975 HMS Pembroke, Chatham, Kent. Leading Rate Professional course. Me, far right)

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When I first joined the Royal Navy I had no real interest in promotion, my goals were more about seeing the world and then later getting drunk at every opportunity. After meeting Carol, however, things changed and she would be quite direct in asking me what I was going to do about my advancement; I also felt that now I had a family I should do whatever I could to better us all and so between her encouragement and my need to improve our lot I took my Leading Rate course and passed. The process after passing the course for Leading Rate was that individuals then went onto a sort of waiting list and accrued a certain amount of points each month; the points list was published in Navy News every month and when an individual finally got all his points he was promoted.

(Sometimes when I open the wardrobe it is as though time has stood still).

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In September 1976 I received my promotion and was immensely proud of the shiny gold anchor on my left arm sitting above my first long service stripe (badge); a Leading Rate with one stripe is known in the Navy as a ‘One Badge Killick’ and carries quite a lot of respect from both those above and those below. What comes along with that respect (naturally) is more responsibility and it wasn’t long before I found myself leading a small team of men and standing in for the Petty Officer when he was absent.

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Apart from the esteem I got from my promotion – and boy (from the point of view as a kid brought up in care) it certainly healed a few wounds – another benefit was the pay rise; there had never been a time as a family when we hadn’t struggled and so it was lovely to have some spare cash to treat ourselves occasionally rather than see all of our money going out on bills. Around about the same time as receiving my promotion I also received a really good tax rebate because my daughter Samantha had been born just before the end of the tax year on 31 March. In celebration of our new found fortune I bought Carol a truly beautiful eternity ring of three sapphires and four diamonds set in gold; I don’t remember which jeweller I got it from but suffice to know it was excellent quality and was bought in Gibraltar.

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In chinese culture they talk of yang and yang being sort of necessary opposites that don’t always compliment one another; in western culture we might think of ‘opposite sides of a coin?’. While there were the obvious benefits to my promotion there were also very new challenges – AND ongoing underlying, unresolved issues I still needed to address. 

One of the new challenges I had was disciplining people who were previously my peers, my friends and occasionally even my babysitters. Phil Bamford comes straight to mind; as a single guy he was often on the lash in the week and so often late to work in the mornings. After giving him several warnings I found myself in the unsavoury situation of having to take him in front of the skipper and him having to explain himself which naturally resulted in him being punished. I don’t remember if that had a long term effect on my relationship with Phil but I don’t imagine it did it any favours.

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Probably more concerning than the new challenges were the ongoing unresolved underlying issues which I detailed in my memoirs at (2:17) and (2:18). The pride I felt at my promotion to Leading Rate in the Royal Navy was immense; it was (for me) the biggest achievement of my life and held strong connections with my childhood days having time with my cousin Paul (See my Welcome page) who had also been a Leading Rate. But my pride and love of the Royal Navy was in constant permanent conflict with the pain I felt inside from when my daughter was seriously ill and the Navy decreed I would only have been allowed home if she died. Worse still, and very worrying, was thatthese two sets of feelings were on a collision course and very soon it would be decision time.

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I’ve been asked many times why it took me forty years to return to Gibraltar but I’ve never found that question very easy to answer; having said that just reading that last paragraph back seems to begin touching on it. I guess for many years it’s been on my mind but for all the reasons I found to go there was as many reasons not to. In writing these memoirs I do hope to answer the question. Meanwhile I’ll close my blog today with a poem I wrote in 1995 (which is included on my ‘Songwriter’ page on my primary website spailpinfanac.com).

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QUESTION

So do you reflect or do you pretend

To have sorted your life and can now comprehend

Mistakes you have made and are able to blend

The peace with the pain to survive to the end
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