It’s never easy to discuss very emotive subjects but these days (as a 61 year old man) I’ve found through experience (unpleasant as it may be) doing so can be quite cathartic and healing; readers may already have picked that up about me if they have read any of my other memoirs.
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I suppose to put that in a simple way I’ve evolved into being very much more direct than I was as a younger man and tend to be more able to deal with difficult or challenging issues head on and more maturely now; at my age I’d far rather hear things as they are than be faffing about trying to decipher something.
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However that wasn’t the case in 1976 when I decided to put in my 18 months notice to leave the Royal Navy without first consulting Carol; although I had done it for what I considered to be all the right reasons I was terrified of telling her and for good reason too. When I finally did pluck up the courage she was very less than happy (she went beserk) and felt (not only that we should have discussed it together) that I had acted on impulse without considering the whole family.
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Looking back she was right I did act on impulse, my decision ‘would’ affect the whole family and do feel now that it was a decision we should have taken together; the whole business was very much a learning curve for me in terms of relationship equality because (without making excuses that I was raised in the very sexist environment of Geordieland in the 60s) in reality I absolutely didn’t want to be dominant within my marriage. I can’t even tolerate dominance in the animal world let alone the human one and very much wanted Carol to be her own person – clearly I still had things to learn even though I still feel the decision to leave was the right one albeit having an element of sadness about it in terms of loss for me personally.
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The thing about the 18 month notice was that it was something I could take back almost right up to the date of being released and so for me there was always the opportunity open for me to change my mind and I think both Carol and me sort of thought that might still happen – even though if it did I was guaranteed to be sent to sea after our Gibraltar stint.
(1976 Christmas at Edinburgh House, Gibraltar)
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Watching my children playing (usually in my favourite Alameda Garden) I would ask myself often if I’d made the right decision. There’s an old saying in the Navy which refers to men leaving the service that goes “It’s cold outside” and that was something that began filtering into my psyche quite often. Although I didn’t know whether (in my case it would be cold outside – in other words tough to get a job with the same salary and esteem) what I did know was that if I did decide to leave regular service it would happen sometime in April 1978 after which I would be obliged to serve Royal Naval Reserve time whilst in civvy street?
(1976 Tracey’s 4th birthday party at Edinburgh House, Gibraltar)
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Christmas 1976 brought a nice light relief especially since it was Sam ‘s first. We all had a lovely time, particularly the children; the celebrations were always quite extended in our house on account of Tracey’s birthday being on the 27th December. This year was her 4th birthday and it was lovely to see her at the top of the table in her pink/purple and white frock with all of her friends around her. Watching her so happy I really hoped if I did leave the RN that it wasn’t too cold outside.
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